she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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