First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
