Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
