; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
