im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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