I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
