Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
