8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
