On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
