your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
