Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
