from now on my penis is your penis
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we should paint friendship bongs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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