So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
