i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His nipple licking is glorious
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