Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
