so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
