sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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