i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
