Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
