..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
