I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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