Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
