I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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