question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
