I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
