she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
