Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
