This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
