Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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