you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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