Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
