I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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