I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
