watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
