my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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