there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
