WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
