my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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