I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
