At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
