Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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