You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
