Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
