I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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