Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
