She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
