Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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