i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
