ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This house was built for laser tag.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
