atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
