I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
