I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
